I collect witty sayings. Whenever I find something I like, I email it to myself and keep it in a file for later use. Then, when a time comes to recite them, I can’t remember them, anyway.

Here’s a few that struck me as particularly witty, and in many cases, funny.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.
– Andrew W. Mathis

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
– John Adams

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
– John Ciardi

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
– John Kenneth Galbraith

A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have.
– Gerald Ford

Anonymous Phrases

I wish I could give credit to those whose originality brought these statements, but I don’t have a source. All I can say is that I wish I were so clever as to come up with these thoughts, but I’m far from it.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

A Dose of Humor

This came through my email awhile back. I thought it funny enough to drop it into my blog. I wish I could give credit, but I don’t know where it originated.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Humorous definitions.

A place where women curl up and dye.

Someone who is fed up with people.

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Cold Storage.

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

An insect that makes you like flies better.

Grape with a sunburn.

Something you tell to one person at a time.

A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

The pain that drives you to extraction.

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

An honest opinion openly expressed.

Something other people have. I have character lines.