Incessant Rambling

Who wants to grow up?

I ran across this when I was cleaning out some old email files. I don’t know where it originated, but I felt at the time that it was worthwhile enough to save it.

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old.

I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So… here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

Or…..should I wait until I’m 90 to do that.

25 things

One of my cousins sent me a note on Facebook – you know, one of those viral kinds that you get and are asked to send out to a bunch of people and it goes on and on.

I don’t normally jump into those things, but in this one intrigued me. He had put together a list of 25 interesting facts about himself. Among other things, I learned that my cousin had been stung by some type of jellyfish and that he had delivered peaches to John and Yoko in Japan.

In his note, he requested that I make a list of 25 things about me and send it back to him along with some people that I want to learn more about. It took me about a week to think of 25 things to put on my list. It wasn’t that easy to come up with at least 25 halfway interesting things about me, and yes, there were plenty of things that I wasn’t willing to make know publicly.

Here’s the list I came up with…

1. Love to travel – have visited 35 of the 50 US states and 8 foreign countries

2. Fanatic about motorsports – have competetively drag raced motorcycles and have raced sprint karts

3. Have driven a motorcycle from 0 to 145 mph in 9 seconds

4. Would love to make a full time income on the internet

5. Started smoking when I was in the third grade. Quit smoking later that evening after my dad found out

6. Graduated from college 11 years after I graduated from high school

7. Fired from my first full time job at Mervyns. Today they are out of business….hmmmm

8. Been to 6 indy car races – 5 as a guest of the Bobby Rahal team

9. When I was very young, my dad told me that the big, black Seafirst Bank building was the box that the Space Needle came in. It was quite a few years before I realized that didn’t make any sense

10. Addicted to chocolate – the darker the better (up to 85%)

11. Drink an average of 18 oz of Tree Top juice every day

12. The first time I made chili, I entered it into a contest and took 2nd place

13. Worked in the interpretive center at Ft Simcoe, giving tours and telling stories about it’s history. I’m sure that the guests never even realized that half of the stories I made up.

14. Can go a full day without a latte, but my wife can’t

15. Started a friends pant leg on fire while attempting to refill a disposable butane lighter with gasoline

16. I never forward those emails that go around without first verifying them with Snopes

17. I once wore ski boots to marching band practice

18. Made the state honor roll on a math exam in high school – one of only two students from my school to score at that level, but by the time my children reached the 8th grade, I could no longer help them with their math homework

19. For all 4,529 people who have asked me, “Do you play basketball?” The answer is, “No, are you a jockey?”

20. The odds are pretty fair that I might become father-in-law to 2 pastors

21. I’ve hiked to the top of Mt St Helens and looked down into the steaming crater

22. The first Mongolian Food restaurant I ate at was in Moscow, Russia

23. Paying half of one year of my daughter’s college cost me almost as much as I paid for my entire college career.

24. Did a double flip off a 200 ft high bridge (with a bungee attached)

25. I keep a journal in blog form at http://highvantagepoint.com

Cheap Lattes

I’m pretty sure that Starbucks doesn’t think too highly of people like us. Oh, well, I’m not too concerned how the feel – ever since Schultzie orphaned our beloved Sonics and left them to be adopted by some Oklahoma swindler.

We used to spend lots of $$$ at the coffee stands. In fact, my wife still has an exhaustive collection of punch cards from every corner stand between home and work and church and shopping.

Personal Latte StandWe have converted to “poor man’s lattes” and have eliminated the more….sophisticated version. We snagged us a $29.95 Mr. Coffee espresso maker down at the local Shopko. The milk frother doesn’t work so well so we just microwave the milk. But, hey, for the $4.50 I would spend on a venti mocha, I can drink a latte every day, all week.

We’ve collected all the essentials for making a variety of lattes. We even buy the 16 oz paper cups and lids with the skinny little straws, so when we get to work, everyone will think that we stopped at the corner latte stand. It’s all about the image, you know.

Right now, while I’m sitting at my computer, I’m sipping a delicious hot mocha – and I didn’t even have to leave my house.

Snooze Button…

snooze-buttonI pushed the snooze button for a half hour this morning. Normally, I push it once and get up. I don’t know what my problem was today. I got to bed at a good hour last night. I just couldn’t pull my lazy bum out of bed.

That’s bad news for me. It’s so easy for me to make that a habit. I need to force myself to get up when the alarm goes off or I’ll eventually end up sleeping until noon.

I’m really not sure why people who don’t like to get up in the morning push the snooze button so many times. It’s kinda like getting up several times every morning.

I suspect that I’m not the only one to have problems with the snooze button….

Hallmark Movie Channel

I’m not sure what I enjoyed more – the Movie I was watching, or the commercials.

shamwowThere was a commercial for “ShamWoW!” It’s some type of hybrid chamois/paper towel that absorbs 40 times its weight in liquid. This particular infomercial presents several examples of how to use it. After each example, they wring it out into a plate to show how much liquid it soaked up.

That commercial was followed by one for the “Barack Obama Victory Plate.” This commemorative plate has a picture of our new president with some inscriptions about what a great president he’s going to be. Listening to this commercial was not dissimilar to listening to George Stephanopoulos report on the landslide victory over John McCain….sickening.

I’m impressed by the marketing savvy of Hallmark. Think of it as an up-sell. Once you purchase your ShamWow! you will need a plate to wring out the waste into.

Kudos to the Cereal Manufacturers

A hearty “Thank You” to all the cereal manufacturers who have recognized chocolate as a health food and have added it into their mix.

In the past, if I wanted chocolate for breakfast, I had to go for the sugary cereals like Coco Puffs, Cocoa Krispies, or Count Chocula.

When a cereal manufacturer advertises to a target market that gets up at 6:00 a.m. on Saturday to watch cartoons, I probably won’t be the most healthy meal of the day. I’m a little uncomfortable indulging myself in that sort of meal plan.

life_chocolateBut when you mix a little chocolate with your Chex, Special K, or Honey Bunches of Oats, and I’m all over that. Fill my bowl up….I’m back for seconds. Give me more of that Chocolate Life.

My New Year’s Resolutions

It’s that time of the year again – the time when we all make promises to ourselves that few of us will ever keep.

I quit making those promises to myself a long time ago for two reasons. First, I’m always so disappointed with myself when I don’t keep the promise. Second, I don’t have a whole lot of things in my life that I want to change.

Here’s someone in my camp on that philosophy.

I’ve never been big on (New Years resolutions), and haven’t really made a list of them for the past couple of years. Far too often, people around me make their customary (New Years resolutions) that they never could keep. To me, (New Years resolutions)…

So, who else is making New Year’s resolutions?

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Top 10 New Years Resolutions for 2009

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Now It’s Time For My New Years Resolutions

1. I will write a blog post every day – Recommended by Jack Humphrey.

2. I will unload the dishwasher every morning – I have a hidden agenda on this one.

3. I will live a “more healthy” lifestyle. My doc says I need to take omega-3 tablets and cut down on the sweets. I’ll continue to take the anti-oxidants that have helped me to avoid sickness for the past two years. I’ll walk more and eat more green stuff. That’s enough for starters.

4. I’m gonna put in a killer garden this spring and maintain it throughout the growing season.

I’m sure there are others that I should add here, but really, blogging, sex, and food is what I think about most these days.

Kaiyah and Her Block of Ice

When the temperature around our home reached single digits, we had to make it a point to give Kaiyah, our Siberian Husky fresh water several times each day. Usually we just add a layer of fresh water on top of the ice in her bowl until it reaches several inches thick. Then we pound out the ice and start over.

I usually knock the ice out of her bowl somewhere outside her kennel, but a few nights ago, someone left the big block of ice inside her kennel. This block was about 12 inches in diameter and at least 3 inches thick. I’d say it would have to have been at least 5-10 pounds of ice. More on this later.

I got to bed a little late one night. I needed to be up around 4:00 a.m. the next morning, so 11:00 is way to late to settle down at night. I was very tired, so sleep came to me swiftly.

I awoke about 1:30 a.m. to the sound of Kaiyah whining. I was annoyed at being awaken, but chose to ignore her and attempt to get back to sleep.

The whining continued. Around 2:30, I climbed angrily out of bed and began to dress. My wife stopped me and convinced me that going out would only reinforce her whining, as she would know that if she whines long enough, she will get what she wants. It was likely that a coyote was hanging around and Kaiyah just wanted to go play.

Finally, around 3:30, after continued whining, I got up and went to the other end of the house and curled up on a couch to get a brief nap before I had to get up and around.

I overslept and was a little late for work, therefore, I was in a big hurry and wasn’t able to tend to Kaiyah before leaving.

Around 8:00, Leslie called me from home and exclaimed, “You won’t believe what happened to Kaiyah!”

All kinds of horrible thoughts bounced around in my head. I replied, “Oh no, what’s wrong?”

She told me this story….

Leslie walked out the garage door to tend to Kaiyah. Kaiyah sat and looked at Leslie without moving.

That is highly unusual. Kaiyah is pretty high strung and always is on her hind legs, jumping up and down in her kennel when people come around…..but this time, Kaiyah just sat.

Leslie asked, “What’s wrong, Kaiyah.”

Kaiyah sat and looked.

Again, Leslie asked, “What’s wrong, Kaiyah.”

Slowly, Kaiyah began to stand.

It was at that moment, that Leslie saw that the big block of ice was stuck to Kaiyah’s butt. No wonder she was whining all night! Who wouldn’t whine if they had a 10 pound block of ice stuck to their butt.

Leslie slowly helped Kaiyah into the garage and began to pour warm water over the ice to get it to release it’s grip on Kaiyah’s butt hairs.

When it finally fell off, Kaiyah immediately became herself again, and jumped up and down, excitedly asking for food.

Does this make us bad parents?

I’m so sorry – we have no photos.

English is a Crazy Language

I ran across a funny little display of some of the idiosyncrasies of the English language. I immediately thought of Uncle Stan. I know Stan will enjoy this and I’m sure there are others. Read on….

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France … Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. – Why doesn’t “Buick” rhyme with “quick”?